How often do you hear young girls talk negatively about themselves?

I was just reminded of when I took my 6 year old to the mall for our back-to-school shopping spree. She was so excited! So many beautiful outfits - she was about to have her own little fashion show in the changing room.



There were 5 stalls and in the few minutes it took my little girl to try on 2 dresses, 5 shirts, and a pair of pants - we heard 3 girls (about 7-9 years old) say how fat they were. After the third comment - Chey followed their lead and said that she was too fat.



True - my daughter is overweight. But I would rather focus on the positive and encourage her to eat healthier and exercise. It made me sad to hear so many little girls talk bad about their looks - and even worse to not hear their parents come back with words of encouragement.



I handled it by #1, showing my daughter that your appearance improves a lot just by standing up tall and proud instead of slouching and #2, reminding her how good she looked in all the other things she tried on and suggesting we see if they have that dress in another size. But I am curious - what are your views on the subject? I don't believe in telling a kid that they are ';perfect just the way they are'; when they are obviously overweight or have other issues that could be corrected. But I think you can at least remind them of something positive about themselves and help them make better decisions in the health, hygeine, and personality departments. How often do you hear young girls talk negatively about themselves?
I hear it a lot, and often from my 8 year old, who is not overweight, but taller than all the girls in her class. She feels fat because she weighs 70 when most of the girls weigh 50-60. I explain that when you're taller, you naturally weigh more. (She's 56 inches tall)



When my 8 year old was 6, she weighed more than she weighs now. The doctor discreetly said that we needed to ';watch'; her eating habits. We instituted a new guideline. And that was to eat only when hungry and to stop eating once you weren't hungry anymore. I never told her she was overweight, but I told both my kids (she has a twin brother in the same situation) that the most important thing you can do for your body is to give it proper fuel and to make sure you give it enough fuel but not more than it needs either...We never talked about them being overweight. We just emphasized better eating habits. They are young, so there's really no need to lose weight, because they grow 3 inches a year, so if you just slow down the weight gain, then the weight problem takes care of itself. But instilling better eating habits, especially self-induced portion control, will last them a lifetime.



My daughter has better portion control than I do now, and often asks me ';Mom, are you still hungry, or does it just taste good?';. Incidentally, once she started concentrating on eating when hungry, she lost 10 pounds. That flipped me out a little bit, but the doctor said not to worry. She's at a normal weight for her height now and I just keep trying to keep her focused on being healthy and strong, not being thin.



When she talks about the other girls at school, I explain that everyone is a different size, and that what you want to be is strong, healthy, and happy. She's also old enough for me to tell her that most adult women will always be dissatisfied with something about their bodies. And most of the time it's something we can't control so it's simply wasted energy obsessing about things we can't do anything about. I tell her to concentrate on those things that you can do something about, like being happy, being a good friend, caring about others, etc.



She seems to accept this, and we've had some really great conversations stemming from this issue.



BTW -- I think you're handling your daughter the same way I would. I disagree with the first person that you're redirecting her focus. You've addressed the issue in a positive way that doesn't focus on how she looks. It focuses on her health.How often do you hear young girls talk negatively about themselves?
Young girls? Not just young girls...adult women too. Women generally can find something wrong with them.



My mother used to say that women could be the most gorgeous woman on the planet and still find fault in their looks. Men on the other hand could be balding, beer gut and festering boils on their face...look in the mirror and say, ';damn, I look good.';



If your daughter is overweight, you aren't helping her any by just redirecting her focus. She needs to lose weight...not just for health reasons, but for self-esteem reasons. People are going to make fun of her and no matter what you say isn't going to changer her views of herself. Telling her she looks good in a dress doesn't help either. In the end, she's going to see what she wants to see and what she thinks others see in her...no what you see in her. I never believed my parents when they told me I was pretty.
I hear it a lot at school. Not so much about the ';im fat'; issue. I usually always hear ';oh, my hair looks terrible!';
its self esteem used to be i was like omfg im so fat and ugly. but now i still have a bit of a tummy but i can look in the mirror and say ';WOW im really pretty!'; of course you cant tell a child they are perfect the way they are but reassure her tht no matter what she looks like she is pretty and beautiful and she is fine the way she is