Divorced family . 3 children involved . Oldest child out of the house . 2 younger girls (17%26amp;14) . Refuse to visit or even speak to their Dad . Each has their own reasons as to why . I wish they could just get over it . And have a relationship with their Dad ( my ex).
Ok, it's Christmas time . Girls refuse to speak with Dad . Dad brought gifts over . Girls would not even come out of their room. To even say ';thank you'; . My current husband and I . Told them that they should have been more respectful .
Now I do not care for my ex at all . But I do support a relationship between he and the girls . Even invited him in to try to give the presents to them in person . But the girls would not budge out of their rooms . I was told (by my ex) not to make them come out .
But my husband and I wanted them to , as we wanted them to say a ';thank you'; , or to at least give Dad a hug .
My ex has told me to butt out , and not make the girls talk to him .
But I do not think it is right for the girls to take presents if they are going to be so ugly to their Dad . I know he is their Dad and he does have the right to buy gifts . That's where I'm confused as what to do . I want the girls to respect their Dad . I feel if they weren't going to talk to him . He should have held off till they talked to him again and gave them their presents at a later date . But then again, it's Christmas and he has the right to send presents.
My ex asked me to butt out so to speak . And not make the girls talk to him . That I was only hurting his chances . Maybe so , I've written about my troubles with that before on here .
I just do not like the fact the girls are missing out on father daughter time . Time they will not get back ....
Am I right to let them have the presents ? I really don't feel ( in a way) that I surely cannot deny them gifts from their father . Just trying to show them that they cannot always receive if they don't give ... Do you see my point ?
They both have really good reason as why they don't want to see their Dad . No funny business or anything like that as far as abuse goes .
Just some bad choices their Dad has made . Which I understand . But I just also understand as I the adult , Know they will not get this precious time back .... What to do ? They are good girls , they do not cause any problems . A%26amp; B students ..... just hurt by their Dad ....How to handle gift situation between girls and Dad that girls do not want to talk to .?
Surely you wouldn't let them behave that way if your pastor stopped by and wanted to deliver gifts to them. I'm sure you'd encourage them to be at least civil enough to say ';thank you';.
They are entitled to their feelings, even justly, but they are not entitled to treat others with contempt and rudeness by taking it out on others, family or not.
Since they do not, apparently, want to face him directly to say thank you, my advice would be to explain to them that they will receive their presents when they can write him a ';thank you'; card. doesn't have to say more than ';thank you';, but a card will be written.
Civility, family or not, is something we should all aspire to.How to handle gift situation between girls and Dad that girls do not want to talk to .?
If the dad is ok with them having the presents, you should be.
Gifts are given because the giver WANTS to, not because they expect something in return. If he has a new love in his life, it's natural to sign the tags from both of them. He's not trying to hurt them, he's living his life and trying to help them see that regardless of whether or not they choose to accept him and his choices, that he's still thier father and loves them and wants to give them gifts at Christmas.
I know your girls aren't ';ugly individuals';, but they are harboring resentments that are ultimately going to hurt them in the long run. You can't make anyone love or respect anyone else, but as parents, you can do everything possible to help them heal thier pain.
Perhaps they need some couselling to get some perspective. You don't say what he did to hurt them so badly, but unless it was physical, emotional or sexual abuse towards them thier ongoing anger is irrational and needs to be dealt with. Nobody's parents are perfect - they all make mistakes or choices that children don't understand (and shouldn't be privy to anyway).
I can identify with your situation. My husbands daughters don't want anything to do with him either. They're still bent that he and their mom split up and do everything in their power to make him miserable. Because they are still children and don't have enough life experience to understand how fragile relationships are and how you can never get back the lost time, we cut them some slack, just as your ex is doing. He's trying to reach out to them in small ways - the best he can do at this point is to continue to love them with the hope that some day they will recognise that life isn't always black and white and that forgiveness frees YOU, not the person that's been forgiven.
I think it's good that he left the presents even though the girls didn't want to speak to him, etc. Otherwise, it would have looked like he was bribing them with gifts.
I also think that you, as their mother, should give them the gifts conditionally. Don't just let them take the gifts and do nothing. Tell them that they have an option- they can leave the gifts and don't have to speak to their father, OR they can take the gifts and they have to at least send a Thank You card (or whatever condition you feel appropriate).
I completely understand them not wanting to budge, whatever he has done must have hurt them, but you're 100% right- they can't be rewarded with gifts after that kind of ugly behavior.
You sound like a GREAT mom....congrats on that
Ok this would be an option....give the girls the presents; however, if they feel they cannot contact their dad to say thank you...then the presents should be dontated to the Salvation Army, etc..where someone actual is not getting any presents and would love to receive a gift...this will teach them to give and not receive and also teach them that others out there have far less than them.
I believe that they should respect their dad and say ';thank you'; or do not accept the gifts until a later date. You as the mother do have some control of their actions rather or not the ex told you to butt out or not.
in a way i don't blame the girls the dad has hurt them and its not that easy to get over it for them and you shouldn't pressure them just because he buys them a few gifts does not make it better actions speak louder than words or presents. its probably time they want and to see a change in his behavor like i tell my kids about my grandkids their not going to remember something you bought them for xmas or birthday when they get older its gonna be the time that you spent with them doing something fun and meangful not some toy same goes with the girls dad hes got to change and prove that he has changed and this will take time!!!! not overnight just hold on to the gifts until they are ready to forgive him and get past what he has done
Your children are old enough to understand that their actions was totally inappropriate and rude as hell. I can't imagine how your ex's heart must have felt when he left there.
He left the gifts for them and it is not your place to say they can not have them. However, I damn sure would let them know that what they did was unacceptable and very disappointing.
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